Tonglen is a traditional Buddhist healing practice for sending and receiving love and compassion in difficult times. Instead of breathing in peace, love, and light for your own benefit and breathing out darkness and pain, you do the opposite: You enlist the power of your heart, the one Heart we share, to breathe in the suffering of others and breathe out love and compassion.
The practice is founded on the recognition that we’re essentially not separate but interconnected. Genuine compassion breaks down the illusory walls that appear to separate us and allows us to feel others’ suffering as our own. In a world plagued by conflict and pain, we may be afraid it will overwhelm us—but in fact the practice of tonglen lightens our burden and empowers and even heals our own heart as well by inviting the nondual recognition of our interbeing.
I offer this practice here with the recognition that it may not resonate for everyone. Experiment with it if you like and see how it feels. Tonglen can take many forms, some more elaborate than others. Here is a relatively brief version in four steps:
Connecting with the heart
Begin by sitting in a comfortable position, taking a few deep breaths, and meditating in your usual way for a few minutes.
Close your eyes and feel into the place in your heart where you naturally experience love and compassion--what some teachers call the “soft spot." Allow these loving feelings to arise and grow as you welcome them in awareness.
If you have difficulty connecting with compassion, you can allow yourself to imagine loved ones or friends who may be suffering and notice the feelings of kindness, caring, and concern that this glimpse evokes.
Or you can imagine a being who embodies love and light filling your heart and radiating these qualities from there.
Transforming the mind
Take a moment to notice the state of your mind right now.
On the inhalation, breathe in any negativity, agitation, darkness, or depression you find there, welcome these feelings as they are, and take them into the soft spot in your heart, where you imagine them being transformed into clarity, calm, peace, and joy.
On the exhalation, breathe these positive qualities into your mind and feel them filling and transforming you.
Continue to breathe in the dark and breathe out the light for several minutes.
If it helps, you might imagine the negative as a hot, dark smoke and the positive as a cool, clean breeze, or any other images that appeal to you.
Compassion for yourself
Imagine yourself in front of you and become aware of your own stress, suffering, and dissatisfaction. You may find that you’re angry with someone or afraid of an upcoming challenge or still hurt or bitter about some mistreatment you received as a child.
Allow yourself to feel warmth and compassion for yourself and your own suffering.
As you inhale, breathe in to the soft spot in your heart whatever suffering you find and breathe out a soothing, caring, compassionate energy that envelops and fills the you in front of you.
Continue taking in and giving forth in this way for a few minutes.
Compassion for others
Imagine in front of you people who are suffering in some way. They may be loved ones dealing with stressful life circumstances or people in other parts of the globe who are experiencing violence, loss, deprivation, or other threats to their survival.
Allow the warmth of love and compassion to naturally arise and grow in your heart.
As you inhale, breathe in to the soft spot in your heart whatever suffering you find and breathe out a soothing, caring, compassionate energy that envelops and fills the hearts of the people before you. As before, feel free to use imagery that evokes these emotions.
Continue to breathe in the darkness and breathe out the light, breathe in the conflict and hate and breathe out the peace and love, for as long as you like.
When you feel complete, notice how you’re feeling as you get up and go about your day.